Chronic Pain: A Newbie and Her Fight To Live
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Mar. 23rd, 2008 | 08:31 pm
posted by: submissivecunt in untreated_pain
New to Live Journal, I am a avid blog a holic whose life has been taken away and put in the grips of chronic pain. I am seeking friends, I am seeking anyone, anyone who will listen, anyone who understands and knows what I face daily, just someone who will accept me. I’m a 25 year old female who in 2004 was diagnosed with “colitis” an illness I had no prior knowledge of or even heard the name prior to this. Since 2004 it has worsened and to keep this post short I will try to explain the best I can, I sit here in tears because I know how much this illness has taken away from me.
I knew something was wrong in early 2004, like usual I ignored the signs of my unhealthy body. In Feb. 2004 my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer (she recovered and is now in remission). I ignored the pain I was in and ignored the bathroom issues because my mothers well being was the only thing I could think of, days without sleep, trying to juggle at the same time. By July 2004 I knew that I needed to go to in and get it checked out, I was in so much pain and went so many days without eating (because I no longer could) I passed out and was sent to the ER. Three trips later to the ER with the same issues and being admitted (the last time) they finally addressed my problems as being “colitis”. I went on the routine of diet and meds, tests, and colonoscopy’s to find the ulcers were 18+ inches up my colon and covered the rectum, the doctors were baffled they stated saying they had never seen a case as bad as mine. On the meds for nearly 2 years (up to 2006) I just kept getting worse, I was unresponsive to all the medications and combinations of them. Around this time I was having grave pain as well as the issues that stems from colitis, I was going to the ER once to twice per week and most of the time I was very ill, they always pumped me full of morphine and sent me home with a bandaid treatment because they couldn’t address my issues, not knowing why I wasn’t responding to the medications. When I was removed late 06 from all the meds for the colitis the ER trips sort of stopped, the steroids and other meds were causing worse stain on my body. I sit now before you riddled with the effects of chronic pain and depression. The ulcers ate through all the muscle tissues in my colon causing them to collapse which in return caused a rectal prolapsed (the rectum coming out of the body). Not just at the times I go to the bathroom (and with colitis it is often I go upwards to 50 times per day on flared ups) it happens when I walk, it happens so much and causes grave pain, pain no one could imagine it doesn’t go away, pain I wouldn’t want anyone to come close to imagining. Since 04 I have been through 18 doctors, surgeons, and specialists all of which look at me and basically say “what do you want us to do”. They before talked of surgeries, reconstruction and colostomy now in 2008 they say surgery is not an option for me anymore my body is way to unhealthy to come through a major surgery. My immune system due to the colitis is lowered, I get staph infections, and other issues which lead them to basically say if we do this you will have a tripled risk of death. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live in this pain, each month the illness and pain takes away so much I try not to let it but I have lost friends, I have lost my sense of who I really am, I had to quit my job, I had to quit college my medical school dreams all never happened as I had to turn my scholarship down knowing I can’t do it. I used to have a great young life, I was a party girl with friends I would go out shopping, I would hang out with my family I was active. Now I don’t even leave my house my life now is colitis, chronic pain, depression, fear, and panic attacks.
I am seeking friends, friends who know what I am going through. Like I said I’m new to groups on LJ and LJ itself I blog as an escape, my friend told me to sign up for the LJ community. I would just like to meet those who know how is is to suffer from colitis and illnesses like chronic pain and be accepted for my illness. Please feel free to add me, take a look at my blogs, email back and forth, I am extending a hand to anyone who wants to add me as a friend and communicate because in all reality I need to meet others who understand.